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I found this video when searching through old photos on my computer the other day. It’s one of those moments you remember recording, but never watched it. It’s also one of those moments you take for granted. A simple summer afternoon on my parent’s front porch steps. A moment I never realized I would want to replay over and over and over again because I can never get a moment like this back. I will never see my Dad holding Della again. I will never see him nuzzle his nose into her back, showing just how much love he had for her.

Della and I watched this movie about 50 times since we found it the other day. It didn’t make me cry or upset. It didn’t make me angry or hurt. In fact, it was just the opposite. I watched Della sit on my lap and smile at the computer screen, laughing and pointing at her Popa and “Ellie doggie” …her Gaagy, too. I was not upset. I was thankful. Thankful that I captured a moment like this that may not have seemed like much back then, but will be a moment Della can cherish forever. A moment she can look back on. A moment that captured just a tiny portion of the love her Popa had for her.

It’s been a month since we lost Dad. The longest, shortest month of my life. How is it possible to feel like a day and an eternity all at once?

The hardest part of this month? Explaining the unimaginable to Della. I am hurt. I am sad. I have my own feelings and emotions and daily battles but, I understand. Della… doesn’t.

But today, a month out, I am clinging to this video. This one moment I know she will have forever and somehow it’s helping.

Amy, xo.

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